Monday, March 30, 2009

Yo, Meathead!

I know Ed’s chomping at the bit for me to make my baseball predictions, but I had to post this first. I guess these (ahem) “shields” have been around for over a year, but I never heard of them until a couple of days ago. This was just too funny to pass up, so I had to post it. This comes from the blog of’s Benjamin Hill. Hysterical!

I’ll make sure to have my predictions posted by Sunday, Opening Night. Until then, enjoy! Ha ha ha!

A Subtle Way to Curb Ballpark Emissions
posted by Benjamin Hill on Ben’s Biz Blog, March 24, 2009

Whether it’s the Fifth Third Burger or a run-of-the-mill hot dog, who doesn’t like to indulge themselves at the concession stand during a Minor League Baseball game?

But all actions have consequences, and concession stand indulgence can often lead to temporary bouts of digestive distress. This, in turn, can sometimes lead to the emission of less-than-pleasant odors.

I’m just telling it like it is here, and my newfound candor has been directly inspired by the Lake Elsinore Storm. On Monday, the club issued a press release that, in its comedic potential, is almost too good to be true. In the first two paragraphs, the Storm tout the great value of their weekly “Fat Tuesday” all-you-can-eat special. That’s the set-up, and here’s the punchline:

“You can probably deduce that All-You-Can-Eat ballpark food might lead to substantial gas emissions, which is where corporate sponsor Subtle Butt enters the picture. Made of activated carbon fabric, each disposable 3.25” square shield is held onto the inside of the underwear with two self-adhesive strips. Subtle Butt effectively filters flatulence, absorbing and neutralizing its odor.”

Therefore, the first 250 fans in attendance at every “Fat Tuesday” ballgame (the first is on April 14, mark your calendars) will receive a free product sample of Subtle Butt.

Once again, this is real. Gloriously, hilariously real.

Recognizing a good story when I see one, I made a few calls in order to better understand how this unprecedented partnership came about. First, I spoke with Storm media relations director Steve Smaldone, who soldiered through our conversation despite the fact that several of his co-workers were listening in and laughing at him.

“We wanted to help people out, because no one wants to clear out their section,” he said. “We’re going to promote this enough so that most people know what [Subtle Butt] is and what we’re doing, and we think it’s going to go over well.”

Smaldone then summed up the team’s attitude in more colorful terms.

“We’re just going to grab the bull by the horns and let it rip.”

Subtle Butt is the latest product from Garment Guard, a company whose signature product is its eponymous disposable underarm shield. The leader of this fearless operation is—surprise!—a woman.

“Our office is full of girls, and all we do all day long is talk about [flatulence] and sweat,” said Kim Olenicoff, Garment Guard’s founder. “We’ve never partnered with anyone before, but in Minor League Baseball we might have found the perfect niche.”

This ideal pairing came about through the wonders of social networking.

“I grew up with one of the guys [assistant GM Allan Benavides] who works at the Storm,” she said. “Through the magic of Facebook he found me and saw what it is I do. He called me up and explained that he thought this would be a good fit.”

Of course, Olenicoff hopes that the Storm’s “Fat Tuesday” promotion is just the beginning, and that Subtle Butt will one day develop into a well-respected, internationally-known product. But, for now, she’s content to take things one step at time.

“We’ll see how it goes,” she said. “If it goes over well, then great. If not, then at least it was still really funny.”

Friday, March 27, 2009

My 2009 MLB Picks

To see who I selected to win it all in '09 go to my Web site:
I can tell you one thing, if the season goes as I have predicted, Meat will be one happy man!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Yo, Meathead!

My goodness, sports fans, I have to apologize! I can’t believe I haven’t had a chance to post in like six weeks! But you can blame it on the economy. See, I got offered a couple of different jobs right while I was in the middle of a big project. Since I work for myself, I don’t want to turn anything down in this economy. So for the last six weeks, it’s been three to four hours of sleep a night and constant scrambling to get the jobs done. Now, I finally have a breather, so here I am, posting on Sports on the Street again!

A lot has happened since my last post. We’re only a week away from Opening Day of baseball. The United States lost in the World Baseball Classic and the (presumably) steroid-free Japanese won the whole shebang. We sadly lost two NFL players in a boating tragedy. The Broncos are having trouble with their quarterback because they tried to trade him for Matt Cassel. Cassel got traded to the Chiefs, so Tom Brady better be up to snuff when the NFL season opens in September. Terrell Owens got cut by the Cowboys (ha ha ha) and signed with the Bills. A-Rod had hip surgery. Lance Armstrong broke his collarbone. Not to mention that the NFL is considering adding one or two games to its season. The list goes on.

As the economy suffers, it will be interesting to see how many fans show up for this year’s baseball season—especially at the new Yankee Stadium. Seems that the Yanks are having trouble selling their premium seats—you know, the ones that are going for $350 to $2,500 a pop. That New York ball club is showing that it’s incredibly blind, deaf, and dumb as far as how the economy might affect fans. But I guess that’s no surprise, considering how lavishly they spent on free agents this off-season….

One story I’ll be following this spring is the reception that Jason Giambi will get now that he’s back with the A’s in Oaktown. I know a bunch of Oakland fans that are excited, but I can tell you this—if I was still back in the Bay Area, I’d boo Giambi’s steroid-taking butt every chance I got. Remember, folks, just because he’s back doesn’t erase the fact that he sold his soul to go play for the Yankees and then had all those problems with the juice. True, he was an MVP with the A’s, and he was basically a seven-year bust in New York (no rings for you, Giambino!), but the truth is that he left for the greenbacks when he had team chemistry and a huge number of fans in Oakland. With the steroid usage, which plainly began in Oakland, I don’t exactly think he deserves the benefit of the doubt. I think he should quietly retire and give back baseball to those who haven’t used performance enhancers (or at least haven’t been caught).

Of course, we’re also in the midst of March Madness. Can you believe how much attention has been paid to President Barack Obama’s selections for his NCAA tournament brackets? I guess Coach Mike Krzyzewski was bitter that Obama didn’t pick Duke to win. To that, I say two things. The first is: we should feel lucky that our president is cool enough to even fill out a set of brackets—I had serious doubts that President Bush even understood most American sports, though he was purported to be a baseball fanatic. The second is: ya shoulda picked UConn, Barack!